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Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in big_eyed's LiveJournal:

Saturday, May 9th, 2009
10:54 am
Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules
 Sadly I had abandoned Livejournal for Facebook.  There was this time, not too long ago, that I thought it could replace LJ.  There was a flurry of "notes" written by people.  25 things, etc.  What happened to that?  In intense wave, and then a disappearance.  It got people to write.  Unexpected people.  It was viral.  Little pieces of intimacy, disseminated.  Why did it go away?  Perhaps I should generate another virus.  I started a "10 Regrets" but it did not catch on.  Some found it too depressing.  

And so the answer is to return to LJ.  To sum up the past several months would necessitate descriptions of: Friday-night fatigue; a fleece robe; missing Adderall; Dad as the most unlikely doctor of the most unlikely friend; trying to generate business; the constant urge for the quickie NYC weekend trip.

I have not read much.  This morning I am reading a Lorrie Moore story, and I finished a very short Tobias Wolfe short story.  I want to read The Glass Palace because Yas so highly recommends it.  I have the new Toni Morrison but have not touched it; nor have I heard much about it.  I read Monocole magazine and love the photographs (all film).   
Monday, January 7th, 2008
7:10 am
Maps
I accumulate travel periodicals and books like a madwoman, and yet I don't really go anywhere other than long weekends here and there. I dropped a friend off at the airport yesterday (she's en route to Buenos Aires and Patagonia) and it occurred to me that I should just start going on expedia and buying plane tickets months in advance and just GO. Stop ruminating. And so, to that end, I am going to NYC over Presidents' Day weekend (baby steps). Hoping to stay at a friend's empty apartment in the West Village (fingers crossed...he even has a calligraphy studio in there. Oh Lord.)

NO MORE TRAVEL ANXIETY in '08.

In other news, I need to freeze my credit cards.
Wednesday, December 5th, 2007
9:13 pm
The Center Cannot Hold
What happens when one addiction is simply replaced with another? 

I bought two memoirs today:

The Wolf of Wall Street, about a stock market millionaire coke-head in the early 90s; and The Center Cannot Hold, about a law professor at USC with schizophrenia.  I've started the first one, and it reminds me of Jay McInerney and Brett Easton Ellis.  I read Brightness Falls shortly before going to college.  Had I not already turned in my registration card to Yale, maybe I would have gone to Columbia.  I look forward to the second one.  I've read everything about mental illness by Andrew Solomon, Kay Redfield Jameson, and William Styron. 

Some out of town business was cancelled this week and I'm despondent.  Damn it I need to travel more. 
Thursday, October 4th, 2007
4:09 am
Insomnia
I can't sleep.  I think it is because I've been going to bed way too early (as in, before 10 pm!).  I need to change my sleeping patterns.  The past two nights, I've woken up in the middle of the night because of mosquito bites (there are no screens on the windows in San Francisco).  I develop hives, so then I have to put on cream and Benadryl.  Yuck.  I wake J up when I am restless in the middle of the night, so now I am in the living room.  I need a second bedroom.  With a luxury hotel quality bed and pillows.  
Tuesday, September 11th, 2007
10:11 pm
When All is Said and Done
I am starting a new job on October 8. After a year of searching. It feels weird, anti-climactic. Friday is my last day at my current firm. I'll be a labor & employment defense attorney, SF office of a firm that started in '92. I hope it works out. Or I fear I will become really depressed about my career and chances of success at a law firm. At least the salary is good.

What does one do with three weeks off? I can't even think ahead. It is overwhelming to have three weeks off. I need it, but I am also scared of it. What if I drive myself crazy?

I'll exercise, for one thing. I've been sedentary this week, a cold, plus anhedonia. The days are getting shorter, and I am all too aware of it. After June 21, it's all downhill for me. I'll also read. I have the current issue of Gastronomica; I've been recommended Paul Auster. I can do some exploring, maybe California Gold Country, maybe a weekend trip to Seattle, maybe LA.

But, when all is said and done, I am scared of three weeks off. That is pathetic.
Sunday, July 29th, 2007
9:21 pm
Blue, bbq, and warm weather.

This is the best place I've been to in a long time:

http://www.score.org/success_bo_barbeque.html

I have not had ribs in a very long time.  They were delicious.  It is interesting how so many of my favorite eating experiences are in the suburbs.  Bbq in Lafayette; pie in Palo Alto; coffee in Palo Alto; focaccia in Woodside; soba and udon in Berkeley.  Etc., etc.  San Francisco is filled with over-priced, "California" cuisine that require the patience for a 2-hour sit down meal.  I prefer counter service and a relaxed atmosphere. 

I threw another going away party for yet another departing associate.  And yet I remain at the firm.  Sigh. 

Watched The Great Gatsby last night.  I really like the party scenes.  Watching them dance the Charleston, jump into the fountain and frolic, etc.  In my life, at least, the only time people seem ebullient and festive are at weddings.  It is too bad. 
Saturday, July 14th, 2007
6:34 pm
Divisar
How I would just like to read now.  The same person who used to not be able to get past 10 pages, could not finish a novel, is hungry for more books, having finished Divisadero and Old School.  Apparently Arundhati Roy is working on a second novel, and I can't wait.  Although it will likely be years before it is finished.  The God of Small Things took about four years.  The last time I read novels with this same vigor and speed was my second year of law school.  I read books instead of cases.  My grades suffered.  I read The God of Small Things, and The Noonday Demon.  I might re-read W.G. Sebald's books.  Although I don't know if I can take his melancholy. 

I am giving myself 24 hours to make a decision.
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